Mixtures of feelings around

Oh well.. Since when i had not been online at this middle of night? I suddenly remember the scene in few years back. The time when i waited for don know how many hours just to see him online and chat to him. I'm really a noob la! Pure and demure i mean. Hehe! =p

Suddenly, time passes fast. Now is alread July. 1 year gonna pass real soon. Looking back, what have i achieve in this few months? Beside getting to know more friends, having fun, what have i done for my future? For savings? Studying? Or getting mature in my own thinking. I realise that i'm not that GREAT as i thought that i'm. I always tell people, ''if you got anything, just give me a call'' However, i'm not that great to give up my fun right at this moment to accompany someone who needs me. Maybe they don expect me to do that too. But isnt this what a friend should do. I do not want to give any empty promises. Neither do i wanna make anyone around me being unhappy because of whatever i done or said. Maybe, all this while, everything shouldnt happen. But i always believe that everything happen because they happens for a reason.

I'm getting bored and start to feel emo. Class cancelled tomorrow. I'm so happy! But i have to get down to school to do projects. Longer hours, longer work, longer responsibilities. To be frank, i don like to be responsible. I don like to carry a burden behind me. I don like to think of consequences whenever i'm doing something. Just like today, our class decided to order pizzas and kfc as that is actually our last lesson with our CP(something like form teacher) I'm so happy that i'm not in charge! I'm so happy that i don need to help in carrying stuffs and being troubled of what the class wants to eat. I feel bad though. And i realise how people who never contribute feel.

However, i enjoy the time when people praise me after i had accomplish some things. Even if it was just 5 minutues. Seriously, i always feel very very tired after an event is over. There's so much to do, so much to instruct, so much to talk and so much consequences and scolding you have to take when something goes wrong.

I don know what crap i'm talking about. I dislike doing projects but yet i love studying. I'm very proud about the post ''I misses'' A number of people commented that it was good! I felt good too. After pouring everything out. I love blogging. It's just like someone listening to me. With all my laughter, sadness and differernt mood. I enjoy sitting on a double decker bus alone. Looking at the scenery and listening to music. It let me reflects about my past, my wrongs, my mistakes. I miss studying. I miss my tutor. I miss my class and the exma papers.

I concluded that i'm actually mature of my age. Why? Because of things around me? I think partly because of Joan. She teaches me alot and i see alot in her. Maybe that's why i grow? I guess i had been very random. I don know why. I'm just.. Random now. Random feelings. Random mixtures. Random random.

I want to marry a rich guy. I want to shop. I want to be pamper. I want this. I want that. Will i ever be sick? Of asking more? And more. I'm been werid. I don know what am i saying. There's real mixture feelings around now.