Frederick.

My ever first boyfriend. Know him because of joan, joan's cousin. He is considered as my ''first love'' ba. Cause normally people call the first boyfriend as that. I remember, the first time i see him, is when me and joan went to play pool with him and his friends. We didnt talk because i'm someone who don talk to strangers.. Find him, quite shuai la, first impression.

We started when.. Hmm, i was upset over yiliang's stuff, called joan to tell her what happen that day, and cried. Fred was at her house, and joan told him what happen. In the end, fred got my number from Jasmine, Joan's sister and sms me. I was shocked, but he consoled me.. That was how we started talking.. After that day, we started messaging each other everyday. But at last, we talk on phone. Then we talk on phone everday. I still like yiliang and he got his girlfriend, Jamie. I started to like him. Knowing how Jamie treated him but he still like her. And he always tells me how good Jamie was. One day, when i tell him i have crush with 3 guys. It was James, Yiliang and him.. I tell him i like James and Yiliang but die also don wanna tell him who's the third guy. Come to think of it, it was so obvious that that was him. That night, was the longest time we ever talk on phone. Until 5am. The next day, i went to work, when i finish work with Joan, he came, with his friends. And message me say that he like me. That was the first time i felt, scared, nervous because no guy has ever say that to me before. We was not together, but behaving as we were.

Finally, we got together on 25December 2004, Christmas Day, 4am. He was actually involved in a fight, had a police case. After we were together, times that we go out become lesser. I like that day, when me and Fred, Joan and Jianwen. Jinghui and Estrina was outside the school talking. That was the first time, the three of us(J.E.L) have boyfriend at the same time. Really very happy. Although it's only the 2 months 1 day that me and Fred had together, but i'm contented. We break up on 26 Febuary 2005. Through Joan. I thought that i was not sad at all, when i talk to Joan on phone, i tried to cry, nothing came out. Until when i put down phone, i cried. Really let out and cried.

On the coming monday, 28 feb, two days after me and him break. My mood didnt change. My mind was all thinking about him. It was Estrina's b'day. I cannot take it and cried on her shoulders in the toilet. Again, i depend on them.. It was her birthday, yet i did nothing but cried, i feel.. so bad.. Real guilty. I forgot how many months i have take to get over this. On 4th of March, when me and Joan went to Fred's sch nearby basketballl court and play bball, i know her. Fred's new girlfriend. They got together on 28 Feb, 2 days after we break. Another shot. Then i know, he alread like her when me and him was still together. They wrote letters.. Hahaha, how stupid i was. Joan said, ''If you listen to me, letting him go earlier, forgetting him more earlier, you wont be so sad right now.'' I didnt listen to her, until that day. If only, i listen to her advice, i will not be hurt so much by then. Then, Joan accompany me to go drink.. With Peter, Jianwen and Jinghui. They didnt drink, but we did. I didnt cry when i tell Jianwen this. Eyes was filled with tears, but didnt cry. He consoled me by cracking a stupid joke. I'll never forget. After a few months, even when he is out from boy's home. He didnt call or look for me. Actually, he shouldnt too, we have broke up no matter what. But i just wanna ask him, why he do this. I felt cheated.

What happen will happen, we saw each other in Joan's house on one Saturday night. I was actually studying with Joan at her house mac. Her mother come down and ask me go up to have dinner. Actually Joan already warned me that Fred may be there. Half of me, wanna go, another half, didnt want to go. But, i admit, i wanted to see him, in the end i went. When i entered the house, I saw him sitting on the sofa, straight away, i rushed to Joan's room. I dont know why, i cried. No special feelings, just very messy. Jasmine came in, she smiled and said, ''hey, fred's here.'' Joan asked me to go to eat, i took up my courage and went out. While i was eating, i didnt dare to look at the direction where he was. Just silently eat. After the meal, me and Joan went to her room. Fred was outside, i asked him to come in. Three of us talked. Nothing special. I act as if nothing happened and even asked him how's he and his girlfriend. When i left Joan's house, her grandmother smiled at me. All along i thought that her grandmother don like me because of Fred, but she was the only who smiled at me when i going out. I felt, relieved.

Then, me and Joan went to play basketball. Actually, it wasnt that hard too. To let go. I find out that even though we saw each other again, i can still smile at him. Nothing changed. He is just someone who passed by my life. Now, 1 year have gone by. He is still with his girlfriend. Somehow, mayb the promblem lies with me that we cant last. Or maybe, all along, we doesnt suit each other. It's over. Although now i still will think of him. Maybe, it's just like what Joan say, ''is just missing him, not like anymore.'' Here, i wanna wish him all the best. It's the past. Now, he's no longer my god brother. But just a friend. Hahahaha, really over. I believe, time can heal the wounds in everyone's heart. Maybe to differernt people, the time taken, will be longer. But one day, you will realised, that the wound in your heart doesnt hurt that much after all..